Holiday Hangover
I can't explain the feeling I have now that the holidays are over. It usually feels fantastic but this year I have a whole new sense of, well, I don't even have words to explain it. I guess the best way is just plain, old anxiety (and if you know me at all, that is a word I use often.)
I'm no stranger to these unexplainable, overwhelming waves of panic, but this is different. I actually know why I am freaking out. The impending motherhood lurking around the corner is absolutely daunting.
I'm super excited, don't get me wrong. I cannot wait to meet my little Asher and finally look at his face and hold his tiny hands; but I've never felt so unprepared for anything in my whole life. It's odd since I've known it was coming for 9 months now so you'd think I'd at least be somewhat ready for the whole thing.
I'm not even sure what scares me the most. Is it the actual birthing process? Is it the fear of having no idea how to be a mother? Is it how to take care of my dogs & baby all at the same time? Suprisingly, I think that is it. That is what scares me the most.
For 5 years now, my Pacey has been my world. He is a life-saver. I adopted him & fell completely in love. He is my baby & I'm so scared that he isn't going to love the idea of sharing his mama. He even gets jealous when Tim & I cuddle. He finds ways to squeeze in the middle of us and push us apart.
Payla on the other hand is pretty much of an angel. She may be the easiest dog in the world, but Pacey...oh Pacey.
I refuse to be one of those people that has a kid & forgets how much their canine children mean to them, how much they need you & your love and attention. Everyone says that you love your dogs like children until you have a child of your own. This won't be me. I will never love my dogs any less and I am trying to find a way to balance the three of them. I know that a lot will have to change. I will no longer be able to sleep in the same bed with the pups, but is it so wrong to dread these changes?
Such a dumb thing to be scared of but that is what is eating at me. So today, I will nap with my dogs ON my bed for one of the last times. ohhh how that depresses me.
3 comments:
Pacey will sense the importance of being gentle and kind to Asher. Dogs just know these things.
My brother and his GF just had little Charlie in June. Jay sits by him all of the time. When we are not looking he even sneaks in a very gentle lick on his cheek.
It will all fall into place, I'm sure of it :)
Thanks for that Kaycee. We are the only ones in either of our families with larger dogs and they tend to get into my head about it all.
They are both great & sweet dogs so I'm sure it will all work out. :)
Mothering comes naturally--you will be jsut fine. In fact, you will probably be surprised how instinctual it is! The dogs will also be fine. One of my favorite stories is that my cousin had a baby last Christmas. A few weeks later, Lucy was sleeping in her carseat, but their dog had went and put a tennis ball right in her lap! The puppy knew she was a human and was making friends! Being nervous about the childbirth is also natural, just dont obsess about it. There isnt much you can do but go with the flow! Good luck!
-Lee Ann
Post a Comment